Auditioning is an emotional process.

Even adults struggle with the trials of casting. For most people, auditions are a huge source of anxiety, and of course they are: auditions are a bit like a job interview, except you’re expected to sing and dance in front of the hiring manager.

Not getting the part you want can be absolutely crushing. It’s hard not to take rejection in acting personally, because acting is such a personal activity. You stand on stage and do things the way you think you should, in your body, using your voice. You’re out on a limb! But the nature of theatre is that not everyone can get the part they want. After all, there are only so many parts, and casting is often a wildly unpredictable endeavor. Being passed over for a role you worked hard for or really wanted can feel like a deep betrayal. 

Understandably, this is hard for young actors to deal with. It’s not uncommon for young kids to be cast in an ensemble role, quit the show, and never perform again as a result. This is a really unhappy outcome.

Even if they don’t get the part they want, they’re still getting a great opportunity.

Even if they’re only in the ensemble, they’re still going to have a good time.

And they have the chance to learn an extremely valuable lesson.

No matter what, auditioning alone is a rewarding process. The thing is, actors can’t savor those rewards if they think every casting process was rigged or unfair. 

In fact, learning to take rejection gracefully is one of the more valuable lessons theatre can teach. If your kid is interested in acting, they will have to learn to take rejection… and they’ll also need that skill for when they’re applying to jobs and colleges, beginning to date, and navigating the challenges of adulthood. 

Discovering how to take rejection– maybe even what your child interprets as a failure— as a fact of life, and possibly even a learning opportunity, is an important part of becoming a successful adult. 

Parental guidance can have a big impact on how productive casting decisions are. You can remind your child that they haven’t failed, and that just auditioning was a brave thing to do. You can remind them that casting is a complicated process, and that sometimes we just can’t control whether or not we get the things we want. We can try our best to improve our skills and be the best people we can be– we can’t change anyone else, though.

If you’re like me, these are lessons you’re still learning in adulthood. It may not feel like it at first, but what a gift to begin to understand these ideas early in life! Navigating them now can reduce a lot of heartache later.

Encouraging your child to stick with the show builds commitment. It will likely teach them that something that seems like a bummer at first can turn out to be a great opportunity– a door closes, a window opens. But it’s not just about accepting the role and muddling through the show. Entering the show with a negative attitude is possibly even worse than quitting. Kids won’t learn that way, and they won’t have fun. Worse, the production staff is likely to see the negativity, which can be more damaging in the long run. This is a good time for children to learn that integrity, mindset, and reputation are important. 

And if your child has a genuine interest in performing, then any performing opportunity is a useful one. Child actors tend to balk at being “only ensemble,” but the ensemble is an amazing learning opportunity for young actors. Ensemble actors are often some of the busiest in a production. They typically play multiple roles in a production, meaning actors have to juggle many different scenes, roles, and costume changes. They’ll have to learn a lot of music and choreography. Further, ensemble roles have the benefit of being open for any interpretation. “Townsperson” is not just an inactive person on stage, they are a living, breathing part of the show’s universe– and they have to be acted as such! For creative kids, this is an amazing outlet. Kids can develop entire backstories and personalities for their ensembles roles and act them as appropriate. Not only does this flex creative muscles, it also builds up acting skills, arguably even more so than a “bigger” part. It requires them to think outside the box and portray an entirely new character in entirely their own way.

When your kid is cast in an ensemble role, stress that this is a good opportunity and a very important task. Explain how it can be creative and help your child develop a character all their own. Make sure they know that this is a fantastic opportunity to learn new acting skills! 

What if your child auditions and just doesn’t like their part? Maybe they wanted to be Belle, but ended up being Mrs. Potts instead. When this happens, you have to stress the importance of the entire cast. Every character is important, and every character can still be fun. It’s important to note that many kids don’t realize the size of their part when they’re cast. Almost every little girl wants to play Ariel in The Little Mermaid, but Flounder, Sebastian, and the Mersisters get to sing songs that are way more fun than Ariel’s anyway, like “She’s in Love” and “Under the Sea.” Often, a kid just needs time to grow into the role, and will find they enjoy it later.

Many of my adult actor friends say “side characters” are their favorite roles to play– you get your own moments to shine, but it’s also a lot less pressure to perform, and easier to learn. It’s the best of both worlds!

I think it’s important to also note that directors value their entire cast. When even one actor quits, it can really shake up a director’s plans. Getting cast as a role you didn’t want can be hurtful, but quitting as a result hurts everyone else! Many directors are wary to cast actors who are known to quit in these situations, as it can make the actor seem unreliable. Quitting can have negative repercussions for years to come. 

The bottom line is that your child will almost undoubtedly end up enjoying the experience of the show. Encourage them to stick with it, and they’ll be glad they did! It is very important you not let your child quit when they don’t like their part! This sends a really strong message about work ethic. You can’t always quit your job or your classes just because you don’t like them.  You shouldn’t always quit your hobbies as soon as they become difficult or frustrating. Although there’s a lot of value in letting kids have agency and make choices, parents guiding their children through this decision can be instrumental for helping kids grow. Quitting sends the message that some roles are unimportant and that kids can back out of things they’ve committed to, and it will hurt the rest of the cast. Help them see the value in sticking it out. They’ll thank you eventually!

Time for a conversation with your kid about their audition? Check out my article “What to say to your child when they don’t get the part they want.”