The following is a slightly edited version of a Facebook post I wrote after seeing the show live for the first time in early 2023. This post is a different style than many of the analyses posted on this blog– because it wasn’t originally written for this blog. Read the exaggerated tone with a touch of humor… it was a late-night Facebook ramble. 🙂

Tonight, I saw Dear Evan Hansen, and instead of having a normal person’s response of, “yeah that was good,” I have written an essay.

Dear Evan Hansen gets a lot of shit because the entire story is centered on a kid who lies, and in the worst possible way. To quickly summarize the plot: Evan is a teenage boy who working through ongoing mental health difficulties. His therapist gives him an assignment to write a pep-talk letter to himself each day, reminding himself that the day is going to be a great one. One day, he writes a letter to himself about how, actually, the day is awful, and he’s really depressed. But this letter is misplaced and found by Connor Murphy, a troubled teen, who walks off with it. Connor kills himself shortly later. When the letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen” is found on his person, the family assumes this letter was his suicide note addressed to his good friend Evan. The complication is that Evan has never really met Connor– they are not friends. But seeing the comfort Connor’s parents take in the idea that Connor had any friends, Evan quickly fabricates the lie that they were BEST FRIENDS. Naturally, the lie spirals out of control, getting bigger and bigger until Evan inevitably has to come clean. The drama of the plot hinges on Evan maintaining this lie through higher and higher stakes.

This show has pivoted from being quite popular act its initial release to being pretty popularly hated. The complaint is always “this show sucks because the main character is a completely unlikeable dickbag who tells a humongous lie to win a girl.“

The problem with that argument is this: the fact that Evan is not totally likeable is the point.

How do I know that? Because NEITHER IS ANY OTHER CHARACTER IN THE SHOW.

Every character in this show is seriously flawed. Every single one is incredibly selfish.

Evan’s “friend” Jared is only nice to him because his parents and Evan’s parents are friends, and Jared’s parents threatened to stop paying for his car insurance if Jared was mean to Evan. Jared is a total asshole who says some really shitty things throughout the first act (but we’ll come back to him later).

Evan’s other friend Alana is explicitly capitalizing on Connor’s suicide for attention. The plot very openly acknowledges this. She very explicitly acts like she knew him personally and that his death was deeply affecting to her, when in reality, Alana did not know Connor at all.

Evan’s mother, Heidi, is often emotionally immature and seeks validation from her son. (We’ll come back to her, don’t think this is the last word here!)

Connor’s family are all also selfish, we see many shades of this in their grieving process— his mother selfishly seeks comfort from Evan, who she also believes to be grieving; Connor’s dad selfishly believed he could do no wrong as a parent as long as he provided for Connor’s survival needs; Connor’s sister Zoe selfishly refuses to think of her brother as anything but a horrible person even when confronted with the evidence that he is not.

And yes, Evan is selfish. I hardly have to explain the ways how— the entire plot does a pretty good job illustrating this.

The selfishness is not accidental. These characters were written this way on purpose.

Why? What purpose would the authors have in making all of their awful? Wouldn’t that run the risk of their show going misinterpreted?

It must be that these writers are so out of touch with audiences that they just didn’t know that these characters would be taken this way. Or… they are written this way intentionally to send a message.

What message might that be? Let’s look at what else these characters have in common. All of these characters are also similar in that they are not doing very well. Alana is depressed and has contemplated suicide, Jared “has no friends” according to Evan, Evan’s mom is working as hard as she possibly can and still knows she’s not doing enough, Connor’s family is all obviously grieving in their own ways. It’s the old adage, “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” 

Each of these characters is struggling to get through life the best they can. They are dealing with each other poorly. Barely any character gets through this show without hurting everyone else’s feelings— literally the only ones who do not directly hurt EACH OTHER are Alana and the Murphys and Jared and the Murphys… and that’s only because their sole interaction occurs in one very short scene.

This similarity is also purposeful. I think it’s crucial, in fact. Evan is not the only one hurting anybody. Everyone else is causing everyone else pain. 

Why is everyone selfish? Why is everyone struggling? Why is everyone hurting everyone else? 

Drum roll…

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS!

Dear Evan Hansen is not about a lie, Dear Evan Hansen is about the ways life is complicated. Relationships with people you love are complicated– especially when these relationships hurt you.

It isn’t so simple as “these characters hurt each other, guess they all better stay away from each other”— all of these characters are IMPORTANT to each other, so they do not have that luxury. Jared is mean to Evan but Evan is his “only friend.” Alana is taking advantage of Connor’s death, but she’s doing so because she has been exactly where Connor was and relates to it on a personal level. Evan’s mom is insecure and this complicated her relationship with her son, but she cares deeply for him and is doing everything for him (even to an occasionally unhelpful extent). 

Dear Evan Hansen is about the ways nothing is easy. Blame and condemnation is easy, but it’s also senseless in real life. You cannot simply say “Connor Murphy was a monster and it’s good he’s dead”— that’s what “Requiem” is about! You cannot simply say “social media is making the youth suicidal!”— while “Waving Through a Window” highlights the ways it is damaging, “You Will Be Found” very explicitly highlights the ways it brings us together. You cannot simply say “lying is bad!”, because while “For Forever” is entirely a lie, it makes connor’s family feel better, and in case you missed that the show is saying “LIES THAT MAKE PEOPLE FEEL GOOD ARE NOT INHERENTLY BAD,” the show explicitly states this in the final scene. Paraphrasing (because I obviously don’t have the script in front of me), Evan says, “I lied, I did a bad thing,” and Zoe replies, “it helped my parents, didn’t it?”

Saying “EVAN IS A BAD PERSON! LYING IS BAD! THE SHOW IS BAD!” so willfully ignores the entire text of the show. The show is about how “bad people” do not exist. “Good people” do not exist! Flat moral categories without room for gray area are unrealistic and nonexistent in the real world!

Not a one of these characters is “good” or “bad.” That must be intentional, because otherwise why would Jared of all characters end up being the voice of reason in Act 2?

Jared is an asshole in act one. He’s really not that likeable at all. He’s consistently a jerk who says mean and crass things that are only sometimes funny. But he is the first person in act 2 to call Evan out for what he is doing. 

“Fine, fine,” you might be saying– “But Evan faces no repercussions for what he did!”

Evan Hansen is a child. He is a senior in high school who is suicidally depressed. Does this excuse his behavior? Say it with me: NO! But his behavior is not excused! By the end of the show, Evan has lost his “adoptive family” and his girlfriend, and the final scene is very clear that he does not get Zoe back (and won’t be getting her back going forward, either).

Evan Hansen did a seriously awful and fucked up thing. And despite this, it is crucial to the story being told that Evan is not alone in the end. After Evan admits his horrible lie in “Words Fail,” the song “So Big, So Small” follows, leaving us with the message that, in spite of everything, Evan can still rely on his mother. He is not hopelessly damaged for eternity. He is not condemned to Hell for being an awful horrible liar. Even though he has done a terrible thing, and even though his mother is a flawed parent by her own admission, he still needs her to be there for him.

In the final scene (which is the scene immediately following “So Big, So Small”), we see Evan is becoming a better person and things are getting better for him— whereas it was strongly implied that Evan was debating killing himself as the lie started to fall apart (see the scene where Evan talks to Connor’s “ghost” towards the end of act 2).

The most common argument against this show that I see is “Dear Evan Hansen is about a kid who tells a horrible lie and gets off scot-free.” But that isn’t what happens. Even lied and lost everything. And– I think this is what the show is all about– he is able to come back from it. Because life is weird and complicated, and because doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person eternally incapable of redemption.

In an era known for performative moral purity for social media, this show is a hard sell. Social media is a sphere where we rush to judge and label others. The fact that this cycle is destructive hardly needs reiterated, as even most internet users denigrate the “callout culture” that has arisen in recent years. (Keep in mind that social media is a heavy element of the show’s design and plot– this certainly wasn’t an accidental connection.)

It bears mentioning that terms like “virtue signaling” and “cancel culture” have been co-opted by a variety of far-right goons, and that to call their usage of these terms dishonest is putting it extremely lightly. This show critiques the truest sense of virtue signaling and cancel culture by highlighting the fact that morality is not simple enough to put into a small, simple box. People are complicated, as is morality itself; therefore, a gray area must be left between the shades of black and white.

Crucially: Evan’s lie was not entirely a net negative. Despite how he takes advantage of it, Evan also does right by Connor’s memory. The Conor Project is an unequivocal success! The show ends with Evan sitting in the memorial orchard he helped raise money to plant in honor of Connor: The orchard that Zoe says her family is now coming to for weekly picnics, allowing them to grow closer and work through their grief together!

In short: It’s not as easy as “lies are bad!” It is not as easy as “Evan is a bad person!” Every person does good and bad things, and every action has good and bad outcomes! 

People are allowed to just not like this show. I’m not the Evan Hansen police. But if your argument is that people SHOULDN’T like the show because it’s about a kid who lies— are you honestly arguing that everyone who lies is a bad person? Would you honestly argue there’s no value in lying if it can help someone feel better?

Do you actually truly think all lies are bad… or is this position just a false moral high ground you have placed yourself on instead of meaningfully engaging with the text of this show? Which is it, huh?

TL;DR: media literacy is dead, moral ambiguity is lost, this show is good, you’re all just mean.